If I forgive do I have to stay?

If I forgive do I have to stay?

If I forgive will he or I truly change?

Did he ever really love me? Because I did really love him.  Everyone says that we were the perfect couple and no one saw this coming.  There was nothing perfect about us.  What you saw was what I wanted you to see.  The lies, the fake smiles and the saying that everything was okay. Shoving all emotions off to the side and holding on to all our pride. He never plugged in and eventually I pulled away too.  I can't even believe that any of this is real considering I have barricaded myself behind these lies for so long.  What really is the truth? My truth is that I can't do it for one more day.  I can't deny the things that have really happened.  I can not sugar coat all the wrongs so that they are easier to swallow. No more jagged little pills for me.  No more jagged little pills for him.  This is our new reality.  If you think as our friends that this is hard for you to grasp, try being on the inside of all this.  Every day is a battlefield of the mind and most days I feel brain effd.

It's too easy to say sure an resign and go back to the way things were.  Familiar is comforting in many ways.  Familiar was lonely but most days we could make it work.  We masked ourselves from the world so they couldn't see the cracks within.  I am not willing to hide my brokenness anymore, I am not willing to walk alone while he stands beside me.  I am not willing to force him into walking alone with me.

We can forgive AND things CAN change.

We can forgive but we don't have to stay.