Spoiled Fruit

I have experienced in my lifetime what is it is to be exposed to evil people with evil plans against you.  It's easy to see clearly their intent to cause you harm.  It's those that you see no evil in that do evil to you with twisted lies and half truths that are the ones hard to spot.

I hold no ill will against those that have caused me harm, I desire for their souls to be reunited to the King's heart. This does not mean that I disregard their actions but rather guard my heart against any further infractions from them. This does not mean I separate my love from them, only my presence.

Because you see....

Wicked counsel can come from those that declare their love for you just as fast as those that you know have no love for you.  To be equally yoked comes in more forms than that of being married to someone.  It means to evaluate your friendships and the people you surround yourself with.

We are taught that it is wrong to judge but yet we are told to judge the fruit of a man. This can be a hard line to walk. I have learned this year exactly what the difference is and the line was cut between the two with love.

I learned to not judge the person but to judge the actions of the person. God separates who we are from what we do by the blood of His Son. Mercy is not a crutch for us to sin willingly but rather the grace that sees us through our flesh nature and looks into the intentions of our hearts.

Look carefully into the hearts of those you surround yourself with, judge their fruit.  You are to love them unconditionally but often it is best to love those with spoiled fruit from a great distance.

Side Note for Thought -

Have you ever opened a bag of fruit to find one rotted inside? If so you can see the effects that it has on the fruit around it. Those pieces of fruit that are touching it start to show decay and rot as well. This is what it is like to walk in the council of the ungodly. Their rot will effect you regardless if you see it or not. The rot will touch you and leave it's mark.  Fortunately if caught in time, the rot can be cut away and the fruit still saved for eating.

Monster

Becoming a monster wasn't easy for me at first.  You see it started with one really bad choice and then I fed it with another and then another. That first choice planted the seed and then I fed, watered and watched it grow. I didn't want anyone to know about my monster.  Hell, I didn't even wanna acknowledge that I was growing a monster.

Even so, I became a monster by choice. I was diligent, I worked hard at it. I let it take over my life. I let it cause me to be lost in a world that hated me for being good. So I became like the world, I became the monster it wanted me to be.

In the time it took to grow the monster, I destroyed a marriage, friendships, and the parts of me that made me a good mother.  I became self centered and only looked for the things that I though would be good for me.  I did not take into account that my monster would not only devour me but those around me as well. That it would eat at my very soul and what I was called to be, what God had set me in place to do on this Earth.

A monster only wants to do evil things.  Evil things to itself and to others. It doesn't care about your dreams and visions, all it cares about is feeding itself.

For awhile you can hide the monster.  It looks nice and pretty in it's package but eventually the ugliness of the monster shows.  It shows in your life by your choices, the people you attract and eventually it wears on your physical appearance. When people see your monster, you deny it's existence, you make excuses, you try to hide it.  As it grows inside of you it takes over like a disease. It's like an alcoholic drink. First the person has the drink, then the drink has the drink, then the drink has the person.  It's the same process when your growing a monster inside.

I looked in the mirror one day and realized my monster was showing.  It made me hurry all the quicker to try and hide the monster, but my monster was so big and it was impossible to hide.

You see once you become a monster, there is no beauty in you. There is no beauty to give and there is no beauty to be had. There is no self-control and there is no discipline other than the discipline it takes to keep the monster happy. The monster keeps you in your place, it keeps you on the continuity of being a monster. To be ugly, cold and vicious. It will cause you to tear down others and pull yourself away.  It will cause you to take yourself out of the network of people that love you.

So from one monster to the masses......

Don't feed a choice. Don't water the monster seed. Please don't let a monster take over. God said to think about things that are right, just and pure.  A monster will not think upon those things. It only wants and feeds evil. So guard your heart and guard your thoughts. So as a man thinks, so he is.

I knew I had become a monster but I will be a monster no more.

Know your Worth

So after a few months single and out on the dating scene I have learned a few things.  Like if your immediately creeped out, you should totally excuse yourself within the first five minute and leave.  It won't get better I assure you.  Some men are so handsome and then you realize their looks are all they have to rely on because their brain is filled with rocks. Now I know that sounds horrible to say but sometimes the truth hurts.  There are the guys that are perfect in every sense of the word, unfortunately you haven't met them yet. However...............

I am actually not here to talk about all the things wrong with men that I have learned but rather what I have learned about women that have caused the decline of decent men to be available.  Are you ready for it?  Here is goes........

Women are making it too easy for men these days.

That's right, I said it.  What do I mean by it?  I mean we as women have become so willing to throw everything out there to keep the attention of a man.  Be it scantly dressed, overly sexual in demeanor or having sex with them right off the bat.

We give no chase to the game.  Men are hunters by nature and they enjoy the thrill of the chase.  However, these days it seems that instead of them being satisfied with our presence and getting to know us on a deeper level, if we haven't put out by the first or second date, they move on.

Many men have become lazy in the art of winning a ladies heart. Not to discredit all men in their acts of wooing, but there seem to be such a limited few that appreciate the amount of time, effort and work that go into the makings of a relationship.  A for real relationship, not a "friend" you call when you are feeling lonely or need some "release".

Ladies let's step up our game and not sell ourselves short. Let's give a man the opportunity to woo us, become truly interested and get to know us before we take our clothes off.  Let's be modest in our dress, so that when a man sees us he will not be distracted by us, from our true attributes (you know the kind that are on the inside, the one's that make up our character and personality). If that man isn't showing interest after he realizes he isn't getting "it", he isn't the one for you.  You will weed out the thistles by staying pure to yourself.

The world wants cheap, easy and fast.  Just because they demand it does not mean we have to supply it. Know your worth and demand to be treated in no way less.

You're NOT special

Many emerging adults today seem to have the mind set that the world owes them.  Why do they think this?  Could it possibly be because of the parenting choices they were subjected to?  Do we as parents provide for their needs or fulfill our own need to keep up with the Jones' in order to feel accomplished with ourselves as their parents?  I believe a portion of why our young people feel so entitled is because we have overly catered to them and fed their egos.  Some of them feel entitled because their parents made them that way.

I am tired of the growing trends of overly pampered young adults who are so spoiled they are unable to function in the real world.  It amazes me to no end how very little children are taught to do for themselves these days.  Many children are growing up in home where they are not taught self responsibility by doing laundry, how to properly clean a house or balance a check book and save money.  Why?  Is it possible because their parents have sang their praises for accomplishments on the soccer field?  Heaven forbid you instead spend evenings at home developing their life skills. Now don't take me wrong, sports can be an optimal way of teaching children teamwork and discipline.  Soccer (insert any sport you like here or non-essential extra curricular activity) is great  but it seems that it and any number of other various activities are replacing quality time in the home.  An environment that was meant to cultivate healthy relationships within the family unit.

Parents are running themselves into the ground trying to give it all to everyone.  Paying bills and creating more bills because they want the latest and greatest and instead of saving up for them they charge it. Yet another poor example of good stewardship in front of our kids.  "Oh, you want that, well sure honey let's just put it on my credit card." Meanwhile, you have to work more hours to pay off that credit card.  More hours away from the little people that you wanted so bad to bring into this world and yet have no time left to give them because you spoil them.  So meanwhile your set yourself up to work more than one job to give your children materials that will fade and loose their shine.  Things that will be broken and tossed aside and then look, your precious child's hand turns palm side up and says, "where is my new.....?"  More and more parents are still raising and supporting their adult children and working well into retirement years to pay the bills their children are accumulating.  Enough of the special treatment already.

While I love my children and do my best to provide for their needs and sometimes treat them to something they want, my kids aren't special.  We are a team here at home we all have our own role to play.  My kids are going to have to learn how to work hard to get the things that they need.  Being able to afford what you want is a bonus not a necessity and they are learning that first hand here at home.  My parents thought I was special because I was their child but the world is not going to open it's doors to me jut because I am their child.  The world isn't going to open it's doors to my children because they are mine and I think they are special.  The world doesn't think your special, your just one of the masses so why build your child up to think that the world will cater to them.  It's building a fallacy in them that unfortunately make take them years to realize is false doctrine.

So......

Kudos to you parents out there getting it right.  Parenting is hard ass work!  So to those of you that understand your kids aren't special to the world and are preparing them to function well in society and always bring their A game to the table, I applaud you! To those of you who are raising self-centered egotistical, non-functioning emerging adults, I am sorry for you, your heart-ache has only just begun.

I sat under the stars tonight........

I sat under the stars tonight and smiled because of you,
I smile because I know your under those same stars too.

I fell in love with boy, blonde hair, blue eyes and a crooked smile.

I sat under the stars tonight and felt my heart grow,
I know inside I loved you, how deep you will never know.

I fell in love with a boy, blonde hair, blue eyes and a crooked smile.

I sat under the stars tonight and felt amazed,
I sighed with relief to know my love never strayed.

I fell in love with a boy, blonde hair, blue eyes and a crooked smile.

I sat under the stars tonight and felt blessed,
I am thankful that we two even met.

I fell in love with a boy, blonde hair, blue eyes and a crooked smile.

I sat under the stars tonight and even though we are apart,
I will always save for you a piece of my heart.

I fell in love with a boy, blonde hair, blue eyes and a crooked smile.

So to that boy with blonde hair, blue eyes and a crooked smile,
If you sit under the stars tonight, think of me for awhile.

Catching this Fish

Wanting to be wanted is the most desperate feeling to me these days.  My friends all tell me I am a catch.  I am one picky fish that's for sure and you are going to have to bait the hook with something pretty fabulous to get me to take a real bite at it.

On paper I haven't been single all that long so I may be what someone would call high risk in the dating game.  No one who wants anything serious wants to be someone's rebound.

Here's the thing I really don't know how serious I can even be.  I have a really really really full life between working full time, college full time and three kids.  I don't know how emotionally invested I can afford to become with someone. So I can see where that makes me a risky investment.

Isn't any relationship a risky investment though?  Here we are two people hoping beyond hope that we can make a real connection with another person.  A lasting connection if you will.  It takes a daily commitment to wake up and stay invested in a relationship with someone.  In other words it takes an investment of your time.  Time is not something that I have a lot of left over.


So despite wanting to be wanted and wanting someone special, I understand that the thing that a relationship depends the most on is not something I have left over to give.  So while I may be a great catch, I don't think it's fair for me to ask someone to bait a hook and throw it in my pond, unless the fisherman can understand the value of my limited time, see the beauty of this fish and be willing to invest in us.

Wanting someone to look at me the way he looks at this fish :)

The Loud Voice

The loud voice.........

The loud voice says - come away with me, I will make you feel loved.

The little voice cries - stay with me, learn to love yourself.

The loud voice says - come away with me I will make you feel desired.

The little voice cries - stay with me, you are desired.

The loud voice says - come away with me, I will make you feel beautiful.

The little voice cries - stay with me, you are already beautiful.

The loud voice says - come away with me, I can give you better.

The little voice cries - stay with me, wait here for the best.

The loud voice says - come away with me, you can do it on your own.

The little voice cries - stay with me, you weren't meant to do it all alone.

I listened to the loud voice - I don't feel loved.

I listened to the loud voice - I don't feel desired.

I listened to the loud voice - I don't feel beautiful.

I listened to the loud voice - I don't feel at my best.

I listened to the loud voice and now I am forced to be alone.